You need someone with whom you can reveal your authentic self, not just a piece of you—and you are the only one who can bring that full you to the table.I am so glad someone is finally blowing all the horseshit out there in the dating world out of the water.I had always tried to entice and seduce men, using my physical appearance and feminine wiles (which I believed to be all that I had to offer a man), until I recognized the hazardous pattern of deception I was weaving.
With that in mind, opening up and getting to know someone does take a certain amount of patience.
Assess each new partner as an individual, and stay keenly connected with how you experience yourself while in his or her presence.
I can totally relate to how you used to approach dating, feeling like you only have your appearance to offer. Your comment has really made me think about my self-worth and how I interact with men... The reality is, both genders are addicted to scripts that were forged from early life history experiences.
We all mimic our formative life experiences when interacting with others, until we realize that using those experiences as a non-negotiable roadmap for life must eventually give way to a more adaptive and reactive style of engagement.
But because playing a game necessarily translates into masking your authentic self, these rules cannot deliver the kind of genuine partnership on which true love is built.
Instead, following bogus rules when it comes to dating invariably leads to one of two ill-fated consequences: Playing the game culminates in a kind of bait-and-switch in which one member of the new couple tends to feel duped; or one person continues to operate behind a façade so that he or she never becomes fully known by a partner and ends up locked in a one-sided relationship.
For one thing, I think it's really silly that men are expected to be the ones to pursue a woman and be the one to ask if she wants to marry him.
Also, I hate that sexual double-standard where it's implied that women "give" sex to men. I think it's up to the two folks to determine how long they can date w/o hitting the sheets. I think it's up to the two folks to determine how long they can date w/o hitting the sheets.
Here are 6 rules to Have boundaries while being real.
It is important to have boundaries and to not reveal more or do more than you are completely comfortable with.
Finally, I am comfortable in my own skin and this makes it easier for me to connect with others.