ATTACHED is the manual we wish we had when we were dating.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there about dating and relationships—and myths that simply aren’t true.
The book highlights the impact that attachment can have not just on our emotional well-being but our physical health.
How can attachment impact us physically and why does it work this way?
Now think about this position that you’re trying to fill. What are a few “smoke signals” that people can be on the lookout for when they’re dating that may indicate whether a person has an Avoidant or Anxious attachment style?
We think the most important thing to look out for is this: Is this person able to make my well-being a priority? If not, check for other tell-tale signs that you’re dating someone with an avoidant attachment style. Does she or he say intimate things like “when we move in together” and later act as though you don’t have a future together? The longer answer is—”But not necessarily when you most desperately want to.” People’s attachment styles change over time.
As we mentioned before, by getting attached we become one physiological unit with our partner. From the brain’s perspective, this experience is like going through withdrawal from nicotine, alcohol, morphine and cocaine all at the same time. Research has shown that areas in the brain that light up during physical pain due to an injury—like a broken leg—also light up during a break up.
To make things more complicated, the one thing that can take away all that pain is the person you have parted from.It’s amazing what a feel-good effect it can have on us.When we’re sick or in pain and our partner holds our hand or hugs us, it literally takes the pain away.Does he or she have a history of not being able to maintain a long-term relationship? Research shows that one in four people will change their attachment style over a four-year period.People usually say everything about themselves early on—you just need to know what to listen for and keep your eyes open. Change occurs mostly when you get into a relationship that really shakes your beliefs about love.In this case, you’ll need to work together to get on track.